Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 22 November 2012

image for Kent Bigfoot traced to Lisa Marie Presley's country pile
Cynics reckon this is how Elvis would look today

Garden of England - "Maybe it's an escapee from the Scientologists' Saint Hill Manor bunker," retired local X-Files sleuth Bob 'Mulder' Damson commented as news of the eight foot beastie's sighting broke.

The ruddy-furred yeti seen marauding Royal Tunbridge Wells woodland has been traced to Lisa Marie Presley's nearby Rotherfield country estate which borders the Scientologists' UK HQ.

Locals following the story have reported a private security firm used night vision-enabled helicopters to track the massive hominid along an eight mile southbound trek to dense thickets at Presley's fifty acre East Sussex spread.

Described as a movie-maker's location idyll Lisa's $20 million pile is situated in countryside where The Midsomer Murders and the movie Howard's End were shot.

The singer fled to England back in 2006 after distancing herself from the US cult only to find that its Hollywood-based leader David Miscavidge has bought up the vast Saint Hill Manor complex in neighboring East Grinstead.

This morning a stark 'WTF? No Comment!' was all that reporters got from Ms Presley's minders as traces of gingery-brown fur were spotted on brambles outside the heavily guarded grounds.

Ex-husband and former Scientology enthusiast Nicholas Cage is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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