Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 21 November 2012

image for Dancing With The Stars: Melissa, Shawn, and Kelly Going To The Finals
The shoes Len "The Grouchy Grouch" Goodman was wearing when he won The 1969 Vienna Ballroom Invitational Dance Tour.

HOLLYWOOD - After nine weeks of intense competition on Dancing With The Stars, Tom Bergeron announced which three dancing teams of the original thirteen will be competing in the shows finals.

The witty host stated that the Mirror Ball Trophy will either be won by Melissa "Smiley" Rycroft and her partner Tony Dovolani, or Shawn "Little Giggle" Johnson and Derek Hough, or Kelly "Itty Bitty" Monaco and Val Chmerkovskiy.

This year injuries during rehearsals have been quite common. Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough reportedly slipped on an M&M when he was dancing with former Olympian Shawn Johnson and he ended up getting what he calls a mini boo boo on his right elbow.

Johnson asked him how his elbow was feeling. He grinned and said that it was feeling kinda funny. Shawn got a puzzled look on her pixie face and Derek remarked that it felt kinda funny because it was his funny bone.

Shawn took off one of her tennis shoes and threw it at Derek hitting him in the immediate crotch area.

Melissa Rycroft fell during an Egyptian pyramid routine and landed on her gluteus maximus. Lucky for her (and for him), Tony managed to cushion the blow when he quickly placed his right hand between the hard floor and Melissa's firm butt.

The next day, she ended up hurting her ears when Tony tried to do a between-the-legs Sicilian Shove and his pants zipper somehow got caught in Melissa's bra.

Tony is also nursing a bruised Adam's apple he received when Melissa, the former Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader, slipped on a dime during one of her high kick routines.

Kelly Monaco meanwhile says that the toe she broke several weeks ago has not been bothering her.

She giggled and said that Val has had to wear a protective cup during rehearsals because she accidentally kicked him in his onions, luckily she was just wearing socks and not go-go boots.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Val reported that he was checked out by the shows attending physician, and she reported that Val's ability to father children has not been affected, altered, or changed in any way, shape, or form.]

Meanwhile the Italian judge Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli reportedly got his ego bruised when Gilles Marini failed to show up for drinks at The Gay Caballero Sidesaddle Lush Lush Lounge in West Hollywood.

Len Goodman, the British judge was asked to pick who he thinks will will the championship. He put down his boysenberry crumpet and his spot of tea and replied that he thinks it will be Shawn and Derek because Shawn is one powerful little firecracker who has more energy than the New York City Rockettes combined.

Carrie Ann Inaba, from the Philippines, divulged that she thinks that Melissa and Tony will be this years winners since they dance as well together as Derek Hough and his sister Julianne Hough do.

Bruno Tonioli noted that he thinks the Mirror Ball Trophy will go to Kelly and Val. He then added that he thinks that the two will become the first Dancing With The Stars couple to go from the dance floor to the wedding chapel.

In Other News. After much consideration the country of Croatia has decided that it will not be invading Mexico after all. They sited the high cost of fuel as the reason.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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