Written by armfeetandtoe
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Tuesday, 20 November 2012

image for I'm a Celebritiy get me out of here! Punch up.
Taezan leaves for Africa

There was a rumble in the celebrity jungle this morning when Tarzan dropped into the camp and demanded to know who gave them permission to use his Australian cousin's land.

Cameras were turned off while ITV executives tried to negotiate with the irate jungle icon.

Eric Bristow stood his ground as Jane, Tarzans wife, began ranting about the damage the dart legend had done to some of the trees with his four gram tungsten professional darts.

"She's a nutter, it's not like I have been throwing javelins at the fuckin trees" Eric raged.

Linda Robson went nose to nose with Jane shouting; "Oy! You mug, leave him alone".

Hugo Taylor fainted but was revived by Limahl they then minced off the camp after walking up to Tarzan, slapping him on the wrist and shouting; "There, your arms broken dear!".

Helen Flanagan washed her hands and removed her top then started crying. Tarzan was slapped by Jane for starring. Colin Baker remonstrated with Tarzan pointing out that the "ladies did not want to see his meat and two veg" to which Tarzan replied, "Fuck me you've put on weight since the 80s".

Ashley Roberts tried to help by saying; "Gee, what a nice Guy".

Nadine Dorries caused more chaos when she said; "These council estate types should be flogged".

Charlie Brooks grabbed a cooking pot and tried to fell Nadine with it.

After Rosemary Shrager managed to get to her feet, she stomped up to Tarzan and Jane and gave them a damn good ticking off finishing with; "And let's not have any more of it".

Jane replied. "Let's not have any more of that slop you call food, and by the way, since when were you appointed the camp leader? Sit down lard arse the beans need mashing".

Hours of negotiation were brought to a close when David Haye walked up to Tarzan and stuck one on his chin followed by a clean left to the ribs and a haymaker to the head. Jane got a kick up the arse.

ITV Executives said they have spoken to "George" of the jungle and he has agreed terms with them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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