Written by Paul Blake
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Topics: Florida, Rap, NBC

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

image for A Crowd of Soccer Moms Gasp at Flo-Rida Lyrics
"Come on Baby, Blow my Whistle, Nice and slow."

Manhattan, NY - NBC's Today Show kicked off a series of Thanksgiving week concerts with an outdoor show by rising rap star, Flo-Rida, on Monday.

An impressive crowd of Flo-Rida fans turned out for the free event outside NBC's Today Show studios in mid-town Manhattan, some camping overnight to secure the best vantage spot to see the star.

Many in the audience were young girls, who were accompanied by their mothers into the city, from places like Connecticut and the New Jersey suburbs.

You could tell the true fans, who held up signs with pictures of whistles, some even sported little sliver whistle necklaces around their necks, in homage to the star's most popular song, "Whistle."

"It all seemed so innocent and fun." Said Kathleen Pratt, who brought her thirteen-year-old daughter, Brook and friend Dakota, into the city from Fairfield, Connecticut for the event.

Admittedly, Mrs. Pratt had never really dug into the lyrics of Flo-Rida's songs and hummed along blindly when her daughter played his music in the car.

"I thought when he sang about "blowing a whistle", it was about just that... blowing a whistle. That's why I thought my daughter wore one around her neck." Indeed, in the song's chorus, Flo-rida is heard repeatedly asking a young woman to blow his whistle.

So you can image Mrs. Pratt's reaction as the rap star ran through his best known song, "Whistle" and realized that song was actually about getting oral sex from a woman with questionable morals. Flo-rida could be seen gyrating on stage with his back-up dancers, who wore skin tight, green tiger stripes and "Pretty Woman Style" hooker boots.

"I was so shocked!" Exclaimed Pratt. "I had no idea this catchy little tune was about getting a... you know what." Mrs. Pratt then poked the inside of her cheek with her tongue and bobbed her thumb towards her mouth, doing the international sign for the word, blow-job. "I mean, God, I was just singing that song in my Dentist's office the other day!" She added with embarrassment.

Mrs. Pratt exchanged looks with some of the other mothers that she had gotten to know earlier, while waiting for the concert to start.

"They all looked as surprised as I was. You could hear the gasps come in waves." Pratt said, who quickly tried to stop her daughter from dangling her silver whistle necklace in the air towards the singer.

After the concert, Mrs. Pratt and many of the other mothers were left wondering if their daughters knew the true meaning of the song. All were too afraid to ask.

Mrs. Pratt left shortly after, with these words for NBC. "Perhaps you should better screen the musicians that you have on your show, so people like me don't have to walk straight into the headlights of a major conversation with our daughters." She said angrily while reconsidering some of the lyrics that her daughter like to sing, like ZZ Top's "She Wore A Pearl Necklace" and AC/DC's "Giving The Dog A Bone."

Oh boy, we imagine its' going to be a long ride home for many of the young fans in attendance at Today's concert. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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