Written by Gail Farrelly
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Friday, 21 July 2006

image for Latest Celebrity Break-up: Minnie Mouse Dumps Mickey

They made it through the Great Depression, the advent of television, the development of numerous Disney theme parks, and a revolutionized entertainment industry; but rumors are that now it's over. While Minnie was away at Tokyo Disneyland, apparently Mickey was seen around town canoodling with a variety of starlets. When Minnie returned from her trip, it was "Sayonara, Mickey."

Friends of the couple are sad but trying to be upbeat. Mr. Donald Duck was heard squawking, "I thought it would last forever, but still they WERE together for 78 years. Maybe they can work things out."

A Disney executive who telephoned the usually sweet-tempered Minnie to inquire about the rumors reported a major snub. He claims he merely said, "Say it isn't so, Minnie," and was startled by her reply. "It's Ms. Mouse to you, sir," she said primly. And before he could respond, she added, "My private life is private, that's it." Then she hung up.

Friends in Mickey's camp say that the intrepid mouse is trying to hold his little head up and pretend he's fine, but that's clearly not the case. "He's drinking heavily," one source reports. "And he's eaten nothing but some crackers and cheese since all this happened." Minnie is unsympathetic. "I couldn't care less about what he's eating or not eating," she has said. "Let him eat cake."

Meanwhile last week Minnie was seen reading "The Feminine Mystique" in Central Park in New York City. And three days ago she was spotted entering the world famous Elizabeth Arden Red Door Salon. She hasn't been seen since. What has been seen, however, is a parade of fashion designers (each holding about a dozen mouse-sized garment bags) entering and exiting the Salon. Minnie's clearly going for a whole new look, a complete makeover.

An anonymous source within the Salon said she couldn't reveal too much about Minnie's makeover; however she did say this: "Gone are the white gloves, the polka dot dresses, and the old-fashioned hairstyle with the big bow." There was a short pause, then a big smile. "Believe me, when Minnie emerges from The Red Door, You can expect one HOT, HOT, HOT little 21st century mouse. Mickey will be eating his heart out!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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