Written by Evil
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Topics: Sesame street, elmo

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

image for Elmo is pushed out of the closet

Elmo, the former Sesame Street heartthrob, reveals that he is gay in an exclusive interview with Gay Fard Magazine.

He decided to speak about his condition after it was discovered he had recently undergone hemorrhoid surgery and was seen kissing Buster the Horse in his hospital bed.

"I knew that I was in this popular television series and I had an affair with the Cookie Monster, Bruno the Trashman, Buster the Horse, Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch and Slimey the worm, six guys' I had in the palm of my hand, and I knew that if I ever exposed my relationships, it would overpower everything," says Elmo

"I didn't know: Could that be the end of Sesame Street? So I had that weight on me of like, 'Wow, if I ever let anyone know, it's bad.' So I just never did," Elmo says speaking about his sexual orientation.

Now, after years of keeping his personal life private, the Sesame Street-bred, Southern Baptist-reared Elmo, is publicly revealing what he first shared with his friend Dorothy the fish, then his shocked Sesame Street family.

After hearing the revelations, Count von Count put a dead bolt on his coffin, so he could sleep safely during the day because he stopped trusting Elmo.

"Once, he laid down on the floor and asked me to give him a hickey which I thought was strange because most people run away from me," said the Count.

Bert and Ernie are now accusing Big Bird of laying eggs in the closet.

"He took years to really think about how he was going to tell everyone," says his close buddy Hermit the Frog, who was the only person who ever knew Elmo was gay. Adds Hermit: "I've always accepted him as who he is. It's about his own serenity at this point and escaping the demons that haunt him."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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