Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 8 November 2012

image for Oprah Winfrey Talks About Rihanna, Chris Brown, and Christina Aguilera
Christina says that she has cut down her chicken pot pie consumption from 6 to 4 pies per day.

CHICAGO - Oprah Winfrey recently said that she is still extremely respected by about 99.87 percent of the American people.

Miss O speaking with Tahiti Zeppelin of Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres stated that even though she no longer has her amazingly fantastic talk show she is still regarded by the entertainment news media as The Queen Elizabeth of American Television, although not as old, as stoic, or as white.

Winfrey, who has gained 76 pounds in the last 5 weeks, recently caught a lot of flak for defending Rihanna when the Barbadian doll said that the reason her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown beat her was because she deserved it.

She told Oprah that she had been nagging at Chris all day about her wanting for him to go shopping with her for thigh-hi boots, cosmetics, bras, and Glow-In-The-Dark Condoms.

Feminists from Modesto, California to Bangor, Maine resented hearing Ms. Winfrey spotlighting the 24-year-old Barbados singer's comments defending the hot-tempered Chris Brown.

Oprah was accused by dozens of reporters including Pico de Gallo with Tittle Tattle Tonight, Vodka Vermicelli with iRumors, and Carolina Chipotle with Bedroom Pillow Talk of kissing Rihanna's bottom and trying her best not to offend the singer from the Caribbean.

And now Winfrey, in an attempt to take away the focus that is being put on the Rihanna-Chris Brown incident, has gone off and said that Christina Aguilera of The Voice needs to lose some weight as she is starting to look like a male version of John Goodman.

Winfrey divulged that she will even pay for Aguilera to join Weight Watchers and shed at least 85 or so pounds.

Meanwhile Joan "The Moan" Rivers upon hearing Winfrey refer to Aguilera's weight stated that the Big O really needs to mind her own business and stop being a visual aid of the old cliché...the pot calling the kettle black.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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