Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 2 November 2012

image for Katie Holmes: Russell Brand Is Not My New Boyfriend
The view from The Puffy Taco Resort & Casino room that Katie and Suri stayed at. (Photo by Rocco Stampanetti).

CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Katie Holmes and her daughter Suri flew down to Mexico to go piñata shopping.

Mother and daughter stayed at The Puffy Taco Resort & Casino which is co-owned by American Idol host Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest and former American Idol judge Steven "Lips" Tyler.

The two were accompanied by bodyguards Rocco and Gino, who make sure that no one gets within four feet of either one.

While at The Puffy Taco Katie really put away the resort and casino's internationally known Enchiladas Ala Salma Hayek. Suri fell in love with the Eva Longoria Rooster McNuggets and the Miniature Maraca Mango Morsels.

Katie granted an interview to Polo Del Matador, a reporter with The Cabo San Lucas Morning Olé News.

The interview was set up by a long time close friend of Katie's, Cabo San Lucas Mayor Ebenezer "Cerveza" Cortez.

Del Matador asked Holmes how she was getting along without her ex-husband Tom Cruise.

"Tom who?" Katie asked sipping on her Avocado Margarita.

The reporter then asked her if it was true that she was going to be filming a movie in Eppeldorf, Luxembourg with Mel Gibson, Scarlett Johansson, Heidi Montag, and Andy Dick about vampires, zombies, werewolves, and banshees.

Holmes smiled and politely answered that her contract specifically stipulated that she was not to talk about it until after the Christmas holidays.

"Fair enough" Del Matador commented.

He then asked Holmes about the alleged reports that she had been seen in the company of Russell Brand at The Paula Abdul Commemorative Skateboard Park located in Cucamonga.

Katie blushed and admitted that it was in fact true but that contrary to reports Brand did not French kiss her as had been reported by GOPicky Magazine, Say What? and Just Saying.

She was then asked if the alleged reports of Brand being her new boyfriend were true.

"Absolutely not! Holmes yelled out. "That part is a big lie, kind of like the lie that Joan 'The Moan' Rivers tells when she swears she isn't getting any more botox done."

Katie managed to calm down and apologized for her outburst. She gave Mr. Del Matador $45 and told him that she wanted for him to make it perfectly clear in his story that Russell Brand is not her new boyfriend.

She blushed a little and added, "But now if Tim Tebow is available..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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