Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 29 October 2012

image for Lindsay Lohan Blames All Her Troubles On Her Freckles
Lindsay says she uses Bye-Bye Freckles Cream but added that it does not work. (Photo by Megan Fox).

VENICE BEACH - Lindsay "Lucky" Lohan was sitting by herself in a private booth at the trendy Fountain of Youth Lounge in Venice Beach.

One of the waiters said that he overheard her talking on the phone to her ex-girlfriend and one time fianceé Samantha Ronson.

The waiter who refused to give his name informed Bedroom Pillow Talk that Miss Lohan was visibly shaken as she kept mumbling things like, "All of my friends are mad at me because I am voting for Romney," and "In my heart I know that President Obama is the best man but my checking account says that I have to vote for a fellow multi-millionaire and that just happens to be the old Flip-Flopper himself, Milton Romney (sic)."

Carolina Chipotle with BPT has stated before that LiLo Lohan has to get her act together and get it together quick before she ends up stepping in a patch of quicksand that even a 30-foot crane truck won't be able to get her out of.

Lindsay who has been in more trouble lately than Mike Tyson, Dennis Rodman, and Brett Favre all put together says that she really does not know why she keeps getting into automobile accidents, accidentally stealing stuff, and having unplanned nip slips.

She did say that her personal hair stylist FuFi Fondue recently sat her down in a hair salon chair and told her that her problem stems from the fact that she has ten times more freckles than the average 26-year-old woman.

Fondue told her that one of his clients is noted Beverly Hills freckle specialist Dr. Stella B. Tuckerboffski.

The Hair Stylist to The Stars stated that Dr. Tuckerboffski said that Miss Lohan's overabundance of freckles can cause her female hormones to get all out of kilter and cloud up the part of the brain that deals with common sense, reasoning, caloric intake, and clothes coordinating.

So Lindsay is now telling her mom and dad that all her troubles and problems stem from them because they are responsible for her freckles.

In Other News. The tiny African country of Loombeezi is reporting that they are running out of lions and plan to contact The Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus about possibly purchasing some.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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