BEVERLY HILLS - Heidi Montag was sitting at the bar of The Mrs. Ponce De Leon Hotel in Beverly Hills drinking a Singapore Sling when she was approached by a reporter for an entertainment media publication.
Margarita Mixx with The Tinsel Town Times Tribune asked Montag if she had gotten over her woodchuck bite.
Montag replied that she had and remarked that she will never again set foot in The Los Animales Malos State Park located just outside of Fresno.
Heidi said that her and an unidentified lady friend had just finished pitching their pup tent and were gathering firewood to roast some wienies when she was suddenly bit by a female woodchuck that was hiding beneath a pine log.
Montag screamed like a crazed banshee and said that her friend, who is not a lesbianite, beat the woodchuck away with a Louisville Slugger baseball bat that she just happened to have by her side.
Miss Mixx asked about the rumor that she was getting her own reality show. Montag's face lit up as she proudly said that the show will be on The Lifeboat Network and is named Celebrity Botox.
She said that each week she will have a special celebrity guest on her show talking all about his or her botox, the cost, how things are going, and what the pros and cons are.
Montag said that her first three shows will feature Joan "The Moan" Rivers, Bruce "The Goose" Jenner, and Priscilla "Ouch" Presley.
SIDENOTE: Celebrity Botox will be sponsored in part by Wrinkles Away Lotion.