Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 25 October 2012

image for Russell Brand Says He Can't Help His Charles Manson Stare
Brand says that Schlitz Malt Liquor is one of his favorite American beers. (Photo courtesy of Piers Morgan).

EL SEGUNDO - Russell Brand was sitting in The Second Base Bar when he was approached by the bar manager.

Brand was told by Guido Gunafoochee that he needed to tone down his enthusiasm a bit as he was using way too many curse words and there were some females present.

He was told that the women did not appreciate him using the dozens and dozens of euphemisms he was using for the female reproductive organ.

Russell, who had by that time put away about a dozen Schlitz Malt Liquors, simply muttered something in an English accent and continued with his non-stop cussing.

Gunafoochee yelled for him to stop. Brand looked up and said, "Ju can't talks ta me like dat - I'm Russell Brand and I am famous as hell."

The manager replied that he did not care if he was "Little Bunny Foo Foo" Ryan and once again told him to quit acting like Ricky "Jaws" Gervais.

"Where?" Brand asked, "Where is my little funky toothed little dandy mate 'Beer Boy' Ricky?"

"He's not here" he was told by Gunafoochee. And Russell hollered out, "'ey ladies and gentle [HIC!]...men of the bar, let me inform you that our illustrious bar manager is a liar because Ricky Ger [HIC!]...vais is not here."

One of the female patrons said that Brand gave her the creeps because his stare looks just like Charles Manson's stare.

Another woman wearing a Los Angeles Dodgers cap and the shortest short shorts made remarked that his eyes looked exactly like those of Charlie Manson.

Brand stood up, rubbed his nose, rearranged his crotch region, and said, "Lookie 'ere ladies and ladies, I cannot 'elp it if I 'ave a [HIC!]...stare just like Charles Manson. Hey, maybe to me you all look like Madonna, or dat blimp [HIC!]...of a woman Kirstie Alley, or maybe even Barbara Walters."

"Okay, buster that's it!" the manager yelled as he grabbed Brand by the collar of his leather shirt and led him outside onto the sidewalk."

He was told not to come back inside or else the bouncer, 6-foot-8-inch Vinnie "The Crusher" Crushatini would grab him and turn him into a soprano.

In Other News. Mitt Romney recently stated that the reason he did not go to Vietnam like he was supposed to was because he had some pressing business matters in France.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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