Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 26 October 2012

image for Tom Cruise Confesses He Is Not Gay
Tom shown above says that his BFF Chris is just like a cousin. (Photo provided by Oprah Winfrey).

MARINA DEL REY, California - Mission Impossible and recently divorced movie star Tom Cruise says that he is going on with his life and it appears that he has moved over to the fast lane.

According to Tahiti Zeppelin with Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres, Tom has finally come out of his den of depression and says that he is ready to stop crying over spilt milk.

Since divorcing Katie "The Muppet" Holmes, Tom has dated such high profile celebrities as Cameron Diaz, Eva Longoria, and Lindsay Lohan.

He said that he found each one to be special and different in her own way.

Tom said that Eva loves to cook and one evening he went over to her home and she cooked him his favorite Mexican dinner, Enchiladas Smothered In Jose Cuervo Tequila.

With Lindsay, Cruise disclosed that she got him hooked on a game she likes to play with her male friends called, 'Count All The Freckles On My Body."

And Tom said that he liked many things about Cameron but the one thing that stood out is that both she and him are avid supporters of President Barack Obama.

Miss Zeppelin asked Tom about all of the recent trips he has recently taken with his BFF Hollywood stuntman Chris McQuarrie.

Cruise got a little red in the face and said that he makes no secret about the fact that yes he and Chris have recently traveled together to such places as London, Paris, Mumbai, Osaka, and Tijuana.

But he stressed that they each had their own hotel room and he is certainly not gay. He noted for the record that Chris is like a cousin to him.

Miss Z asked Tom about some alleged emails that he had reportedly sent to Chris that had a bunch of X's and O's at the bottom.

Tom giggled and said that the X's and O's had all been photoshopped because when he sent the emails the X's and O's were not there.

In Late Breaking News Out of Scotland. The rumors that the Loch Ness Monster has been hit by an armed American drone have as yet not been verified.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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