Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 24 October 2012

image for Jessica Simpson's Dad Discloses He Rides Sidesaddle
Joe recently attended a party that Ellen DeGeneres threw for Anderson Cooper. (Photo taken by Jane Lynch).

ENCINO, California - The Simpson household is in a world of turmoil as Jessica and Ashlee Simpson's dad, Joe has just quietly stepped out of the closet (now that's an oxymoron).

Joe Simpson, 54, who has been married to Tina Simpson for 34 years, divulged the tremendously shocking news at a local Silly Sardine Seafood Diner.

Simpson says that the reason he picked a diner to make his amazing disclosure was so that Tina and the girls would not get all excited and start cussing like a trio of German sailors.

At first a very puzzled Ashlee asked if he was gay as in happy gay. He giggled as he took a sip of his Appletini and said that he was gay as in Elton John gay, Clay Aiken gay, and Bruno Tonioli gay.

Immediately Tina, 52, turned to Jessica, pointed her finger at her, and said angrily "It's all your fault Jess. I blame it all on you."

"Me? Why da hell me mama?" a stunned Jessica asked.

"Because you put your father through a tremendous amount of stress due to your incessant lip syncing."

Jessica, 32, hollered out that she is not the lip syncer in the family and that she needed to direct her blame game to Ashlee, who is one of the nation's best known lip syncers.

The 27-year-old Ashlee said that it was stupid to think that her lip syncing could in any way, shape, or form cause her dad to turn into a raging fairy.

Joe chimed in saying that he had not left the room and that he preferred that they all referred to him as genderly challenged.

Tina jumped up and yelled out, "And do tell me just what the hell does genderly challenged mean Snow White?"

Joe said that he was not going to sit around and take this abuse. He asked the waiter to pack up his Reconstituted Lobster La La La dinner so he could take it and eat it at home.

Later Joe called up Tapioca Swizzle with Tittle Tattle Tonight and told her that the real reason he became gay was partially due to his wife's 95 decibel snoring.

SIDENOTE: Ashley later told Jessica that she recalled one day when she was 16, there father driving her to school and out of the blue he started whistling the Doris Day song "I Enjoy Being A Girl."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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