Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 24 October 2012

image for Eva Longoria Breaks Up With Jets Quarterback Mark Sanchez
Eva has said that she will be returning the autographed football that Marky gave her.

NEW YORK CITY - The word on the streets of New York is that Eva Longoria, 37, broke up with boyfriend Mark Sanchez, the 25-year-old quarterback for the New York Jets due to pressure from the Jets organization.

Longoria, speaking with Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk, said that she really did not want to say too much about the May-December break up but stressed that she did want to clear the air.

The Desperate Housewives actress remarked that she had read in the supermarket tabloid Say What? that she had broke up with Mark due to the fact that he loves to party and she prefers to stay home and watch old Laurel & Hardy movies.

Longoria said that is false. She doesn't really care for Laurel & Hardy movies but does love watching movies starring Abbott & Costello.

Chipotle asked her to talk about the alleged remarks the Jets organization had made about her.

Eva dabbing a few tears from her eyes, put down her Avocado Margarita and said that she was insulted at being told that the reason why the Jets have a 3-4 record is due to her.

She was told by a Jets representative, whom she identified as Potter "Bagels" Baglatelli, that several of the top Jets executives feel that she is a jinx, much in the same vein, as Jessica Simpson was a jinx when she was dating Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones finally called Romo into his office and told him to either dump Simpson or he would find himself being traded to some semi-pro football team down in Guatemala where the game time temperatures can hit 109 and there is no Gatorade.

Romo dumped Simpson quicker than New Jersey Governor Chris Christi can devour a box of Hostess Twinkies.

Miss Longoria noted that she will be flying to Stockholm, Sweden, where she will soon begin filming the Lion's Face Film's motion picture Olé - The Story of Salma Hayek.

SIDENOTE: Carolina Chipotle tried to speak to Mark Sanchez to get his side of the break up but the Jets organization has reportedly prohibited him from talking about the relationship and they have stated that they will fine him $45,000 if he even mentions Miss Longoria's name.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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