Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 24 October 2012

image for Val Chmerkovskiy and Kelly Monaco of Dancing With The Stars: The Va Va Voom Rumors
Val has said that Kelly hung the moon. (Photo courtesy of Vice-President Joe Biden).

HOLLYWOOD - Members of the entertainment media have been speculating since the start of this season's Dancing With The Stars: The All-Stars, that professional dancer Val Chmerkovskiy and General Hospital actress Kelly Monaco could be more than simply dance partners.

The rumor mills began churning out the tantalizingly titillating tidbits of a va va voom nature from the very beginning when Kelly first said that she wants to dance with Val in her underwear forever.

She then noted that when she is with Val, who is Maksim Chmerkovskiy's brother, she doesn't see or hear anyone or anything else.

Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli said that one day last week he snuck into Kelly's DWTS dressing room to borrow some eyeliner and he noticed that she had a life-size poster of Val which he had signed: To KelMo, my future-wife. You little sexy vixen, you hung the moon and put the stars in my eyes.

Fellow contestant Kirstie Alley says that the tiny, sweet 36-year-old actress weighs 95 pounds and has measurements of 34D-21-31.

Alley says that her damn shoes weigh more than itty bitty Kelly.

Kirstie revealed that Kelly manages to stay so thin by being on the Potato Chip Diet which consists of two potato chips for breakfast, two for lunch, and one for dinner.

Kelly has said that she loves the fact that her and Val have so much in common such as they both are Democrats, both are big Led Zeppelin fans, both cannot stand Madonna, and both love to play with their food.

In News Out of Greece. The Greek government has issued an official state department message that the rumor that the country will be sold to China before Christmas is totally false.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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