Written by Nick Hobbs
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Monday, 22 October 2012

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Twitter is set to launch it's first spin off site this autumn, especially designed for lower rate celebrities.

The new site, called Twatter, will be reserved for people like Joe Swash and anyone who is on X-Factor or Big Brother.

The move comes as people begin to leave Twitter in droves, due to the incessant free-flow of pointless drivel expunged by minor celebrity no-marks each and every day.

"The principal use of Twitter is becoming lost as swathes of
Z-list celebs muddy the waters of social networking with
outbursts about what they're doing for lunch,
and what time they're leaving this or that club," said Twitter Director Thomas Muslalalalen.

The new site will be up and running in early November, and a strict selection policy will be instigated by it's creators.

"People will need to provide evidence that they are nobodies. If Bruce Willis tries to get on board, we'll know about it!" said head of security Thomas Muslalalalen, "a background in minor soap parts or appearances on talent shows, be it dancing or singing, is what we need! That will then clear the Twitter feeds for the normal working person to converse with the people they actually want to."

Twitter spokeswoman, Thomas Muslalalalen, told us "we are looking forward to this new chapter in our ever growing book of the universe that we call Twitter."

Plans for a third site, dedicated to those that want to start a Twitter fight, tentatively called Spatter, have been put on hold as the owners of a porn site baring the same name have lodged a copyright infringement lawsuit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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