Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 21 October 2012

image for Nicole Kidman Tells American Idol's Nicki Minaj To "Cool It Sister!"
A Swiss Army Knife that allegedly fell out of Nicki's bra during AI auditions in Charlotte, North Carolina.

ST. BARTS, West Indies - Australian actress Nicole Kidman and her fellow Aussie husband, singer and new American Idol judge Keith Urban had a few days off and they decided to fly over to St. Barts.

The couple from down under were the special guests of the hotel manager Rusty Biffio, who is a big fan of both.

During dinner Mr. Biffio asked Urban how he liked being a judge on American Idol.

Urban, put down his fork and baked potato, and responded by saying that he loves it but added that he really had no idea that he was going to be walking smack dab into a damn day care center with Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj.

The 44-year-old said that Nicki has got one of the most fiery tempers that he has ever seen and that includes celebrities such as Naomi Campbell, Mel Gibson, Madonna, and Bill O'Reilly.

He said that it had been a long time since he had heard two individuals yelling, screaming, and hollering at each other and using such words as Glock 9, stiletto knife, brass knuckles, and a Louisville Slugger baseball bat.

Keith told Biffio off-the-record that to begin with he wasn't really pleased with the fact that American Idol is paying him $4 million a year, while Nicki Minaj is getting $8 million, and Mariah Carey is receiving a whopping $18 million per year.

Nicole chimed in and said that her and Keithy had a nice long talk last week when they were down in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, at The Whole Enchilada Hotel & Spa.

She said that Keith will be asking to get a $4 million raise so that he can receive the same amount as Nicki.

The 45-year-old Kidman revealed the fact that two days ago she was able to contact Minaj at FuFi Fondue's Haven of Hair Salon in Beverly Hills.

She divulged that she told Miss Nicki, as Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest calls her, that she will not be putting up with her cursing like some damn Iranian sailor in front of her wonderful gentleman-of-a-husband.

Keith smiled as he jumped in and said that he is so proud of his mannequin-faced wife who sternly told Miss Minaj in no uncertain terms to "Cool it sister!"

In Late Breaking Political News. GOPicky Magazine is reporting that Mitt Romney flew to Pulaski, Tennessee, and tried desperately to convince his Uncle Ramsay "Buster" Romney, 88, and his Aunt Cora Nora, 86, and their nine voting age kids to vote for him instead of voting for President Obama, but it was all to no avail.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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