HOLLYWOOD - Sarah Palin watched in subdued horror as Tom Bergeron announced that the star going home on week four of Dancing With The Stars was Bristol "The Pistol" Palin.
Instantly "Snowflake" as Sarah is known, put her hand to her mouth, closed her eyes, and whispered "Gosh darnit, gee willakers, you betcha, damn reindeer droppings."
Todd, sitting next to her merely said, "I knew it Sarah. Let's face it our little Bristy Bunny couldn't dance her way out of her own pajamas."
Bristol's son Tripp and her little brother Trigg both started crying and Tripp was overheard saying, "Len Goofman is a mean old Eskimo-hating bassard."
Sarah hushed him up saying, "Now, now Trippy, little boys do not talk that way - and it's bastard, b-a-s-t-a-r-d."
After the show the former governor of Alaska and failed GOP vice-presidential candidate in the 2008 presidential election was interviewed by Carolina Chipotle with Bedroom Pillow Talk.
She asked the woman known as The Loose Moose what she thought about her daughter and her partner Mark "Tattoo Boy" Ballas being eliminated. Sarah grinned as she popped a gummy bear in her mouth.
She shrugged her shoulders, adjusted her hair extensions, and pointed out that both her and her husband were very proud of their little chubby wubby dancing doll.
Palin then added that she takes full responsibility for Bristol's loss. She noted that Marky did all he possibly could have done.
Miss Chipotle asked her why she felt responsible. Mrs. Palin answered that she felt horribly guilty seeing Bristy get her keister kicked off the show because she (S.P.) never really took the time to teach her how to dance properly.
"Snowballs" Palin remarked, "Ya know Miss Chippewa, I realize now that whenever I had any free time I was always out in some state-owned helicopter stalking and slaughtering, or rather let's make that shooting some unsuspecting moose, caribou, elk, or reindeer."
Palin paused, wiped away three tears and continued, "And gosh darnit South Carolina, I know now that I should have been home teaching my little bundle of joyous joy how to dance the mambo, the samba, the cha cha cha, and the Argentine tango properly so the American people wouldn't see the obviously uncoordinated way Bristy danced not once but twice on Dancing With The Stars."
After the show Bristol told fellow contestant Kirstie "The California Quake" Alley that she is going back to Wasilla, Alaska, and she may never again return to the Lower 48.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: YES!!!]