Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 16 October 2012

image for Dancing With The Stars: Paula Abdul Guest Stars As A Judge
Before each live show of Dancing With The Stars, Kirstie Alley eats a lobster. (Photo by Tom Bergeron)

HOLLYWOOD - Paula Abdul, the woman without a show was asked to be a guest judge on week 4 of Dancing With The Stars: The All-Stars.

And the little pint-sized firecracker and former American Idol judge as well as former X-Factor judge jumped at the chance to get tons of free publicity in hopes of landing another reality show on television.

Abdul spoke with TV ClickerWorld's Sangria Wine and quipped that she was thrilled to finally be able to get off of food stamps.

Miss Wine asked her how it felt to sit between veteran judges Len "The Grouchy Grouch" Goodman and Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli.

She giggled, as she took a sip of her Bloody Mary and said that sitting next to Len was like sitting next to Ricky Gervais minus the curse words, the constant cat that swallowed the canary smile, and jaws-like teeth.

The 50-year-old Abdul then revealed that sitting next to Bruno was sort of like sitting next to Clay Aiken, but with lots of flamboyancy, sprayed-on tanning spray, and an Italian accent.

When asked by Miss Wine who impressed her the most she immediately said former Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson and her partner Derek "The Blonde Don Juan" Hough.

Abdul added that Shawn has more moves than a game of checkers.

She was then asked who impressed her the least. Paula shook her head. And said that she hates to say it but the dancer that should go home next is Bristol "The Baby Moose" Palin.

The former Lakers girl raised her eyebrows and remarked that truth be told, Miss Palin is about as graceful on the dance floor as a rhino in a full body cast.

She went on to say that the sad part about it is that Bristol knows she is way, way out of her league but she keeps getting voted in due to her mom Sarah "Reindeer Breath" Palin's influence over the infamous Teabaggers Party.

An inside, unnamed, member of the Teabaggers Party confessed that the party members have all been instructed by "Mama Moose" Palin to vote for her daughter as many times as humanly possible.

SIDENOTE: Bristol "The Pistol," with 32 points, actually finished just ahead of the night's last place dancer Kirstie "The California Quake" Alley who had 30 points out of a possible 40.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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