Written by Ossurworld
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Saturday, 13 October 2012

Brandon Spikes (who won infamy and glory for exposing himself on a sex tape), a la Kim Kardashian back in a college sack before he joined the Patriots, offered more self-deprecating humor this week.

Alas, gay liberals are not in a joking mood this season, and bully for them.

Spikes, an imposing big man and tough guy, tweeted that he would scream if he saw a homosexual in his bathtub. We are not sure if that is a yelp of joy. He compared his phobia to something akin to seeing a spider around his spigot.

We never thought of Spikes as Little Miss Moffat until now, a man unable to sit on his toffat.

In any respect, this distraction seemed to make many a player uncomfortable in his locker room cups.

Perennial joker and serial tweeter Wes Welker noted that he didn't see the comment and couldn't comment on it.

None of the bright media members noted that Welker had his tongue in cheek, again, paraphrasing Bill Belichick's dour comment that he hadn't seen Welker's "Stick it to Bill" crack earlier in the week.

If Belichick starts to bench his stars for their bad senses of humor, it will be a long, losing season.

The problem with intelligent football players is that their rapier wits sometimes cut off their noses to spike their Brandon-or Gronk faces.

Who can forget Tom Brady advising his fans to "lube" up before the game? It was dismissed as an earnest attempt to tell fans to stay hydrated in the cold weather.

No doubt about it, those Patriot wags are funnier than a spider in the bathtub.

Don't throw these late night comics out with the bathwater, no matter how unfortunately their tweets resonate. We think they'll adorn next year's Gay Pride Parade in reparation.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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