Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 12 October 2012

image for Dancing With The Stars Warns Kirstie Alley To Stop Eating So Much
Kirstie says that she will cut back on her daily sprinkled cupcake intake from 14 to 9.

HOLLYWOOD - Kirstie Alley admits that she has regained the 100 pounds she lost after her season 12 performance on Dancing With The Stars.

And now that she has returned for season 15's edition of DWTS: The All Stars, she has casually admitted that she has actually gained even more weight especially in her badonkadonk (caboose).

The 61-year-old actress who gained fame and notoriety on the TV sit-com Cheers recently told Taffeta Kixx with iRumors that she does not know why but it appears that when she was in her 50s she could easily eat four hamburgers and/or six hot dogs and effortlessly burn off all of the carbs she ingested.

She pointed out that now that is not the case as evidenced by the fact that she can eat six Hostess Twinkies in one sitting and gain 1.3 pounds.

Alley confessed that exercising does not help because she is on a thread mill regimen where she works out for 45 seconds in the morning and then another 45 seconds before she goes to bed and she has not lost one single ounce.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I called up Abel and asked if Kirstie meant to say minutes instead of seconds. He called up Miss Kixx who called up Miss Alley who verified that she had in fact said and meant to say seconds.]

Miss Kixx stated that the shows producer Bernadette Penderlicki confided in her that she recently met with Miss Alley at a local Burger Bandit Restaurant in El Segundo and informed her that all of her weight gain is putting a strain on the shows outfit and costume budget as well as on the shows seamstress.

Ms. Penderlicki revealed that she had no choice but to inform Miss Alley that if she gains anymore weight she could be terminated as per the rules and regulations guidelines policy pertaining to the shows weight clause.

SIDENOTE: Kirstie's dance partner Maksim "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom" Chmerkovskiy told judges Len "The Grouchy Grouch" Goodman and Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli that he is beginning to fear for his safety and has started having nightmares that during a live performance Kirstie stumbles and falls on him breaking 3 or 6 of his ribs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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