ATLANTA (ABSNN) - Alana Thompson (Honey Boo Boo) and her mother June Shannon (Fat Demonic Hell Pig) are the stars of TLC's Toddlers and Tiaras. They visited a television station in Atlanta, the home of The Learning Channel, to discuss their upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas TV holiday specials.
"Ah'll be mekkin a big batch of "go-go" juice to give to all the kids who'll be visiting the double-wide this Thanksgiving," said Shannon.
"Go-go Juice" is a homemade concoction containing an equal measure of Mountain Dew and Red Bull Energy drink "with a shit-load of pure cane sugar," Shannon said.
For some reason, this gossip reporter's mind flashed back to Michael Jackson's "Jesus Juice" that he shared with his child friends.
Anyway, Shannon had more information.
"We ain't finished the Christmas show yet, but there'll be some kiddie porn, I guarantee. Little Honey Boo Boo thar, will sing her new song she made up just for the Thanksgiving show."
Alana-Honey Boo Boo, who'd just downed a quart of the concoction, volunteered to sing her song for the show's producers while running laps around the studio, juggling chainsaws, mules and cocker spaniels; and did so even though the producers asked her not to. The lyrics went something like this:
Off them turkey legs,
Or I'll kick you in the balls.
If you touch my fake tiara,
My mom will
Hole your overalls."
"She stayed up six whole days and nights to write thet song. She really suffers for her art, that-un," Shannon beamed.
We all suffered with her.