Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 8 October 2012

image for Britney Spears Jealous of Simon Cowell's New Girlfriend
Carmen Electra shown in Simon Cowell's game room at his Casa La T-Shirt Mansion in the Hollywood Hills.

LOS ANGELES - It is no secret in the inner circles of X-Factor that Simon "The Count of Cruelty" Cowell and Britney "Oopsies" Spears have had quite a fondness for each other.

In fact a close, inside, unnamed source recently told iRumors that the reason why Simon chose Britney to be a judge and why she readily accepted is because deep down inside there are some passion pangs for each other that both manage to suppress in public.

Cowell, 53, ended his engagement to Afghani freedom fighter/make up artist Mezhgan Hussainy due to the fact that he realized that he still has a roving eye for much younger women and was not ready to get married and settle down.

One of Simon's friends, who asked not to be named, noted that another contributing reason was the fact that Hussainy was really a lot stronger physically than Simon and she could actually shoot a rattlesnake's rattles off at 200 yards using a non-telescopic rifle.

Spears, who is 30, is presently engaged to Jason Trawick, but close friends say that the two go together about as well as peanut butter and sushi.

Taffeta Kixx with iRumors is now reporting that there is a new love interest in the life of The Sultan of Sarcasm and that the new lady love is none other than the ravishingly sultry Carmen Electra.

Carmen's hair stylist FuFi Fondue has stated that Miss Electra is 40, but she has the body of a 20-year-old.

Fondue said that Carmen is so gosh darn sensuously sexy that he personally knows of three gay guys who are no longer gay after going out on dates with her.

SIDENOTE: Britney told fellow X-Factor judge Demi Lovato that she is not one bit happy about Carmen moving in on her Simon and she is going to be planning and plotting.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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