Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: Kate Middleton

Saturday, 6 October 2012

image for Kate Middleton - Much Ado About Nipples And The Duchess Of Cambridge
Tea anyone?

While most people use sun block, umbrellas or a cover-up when going out into the noonday sun, the Duchess of Cambridge decided to go topless and allow the sun rays to give her an even tan.

Good morning sunshine!

Forget the fact that there are telescopes with super power vision like the Hubble, Google Earth, spy and weather satellites, (each powered to identify the sex of a flea on earth) the Duchess threw caution to the wind and decided to get some vitamin D.

To chronicle the event, photographers (with way-too-long lenses) snapped the occasion and sold the photographs to Italian newspapers where they were published. Surprise! Surprise!

Called grotesque and humiliating by the Duchess, the Duke decided to take action and protect his bride.

Well, yeah, but maybe a cover-up would have been better protection?
Too late for that! Apparently, he also was photographed topless!


However, no one mentioned his exposed nipples. Following journalistic research, (or an idle guess) suggests it safe to report, there were definitely four royal nipples in each photographs.

St. James Palace announced they would take legal action.

The Duchess remained demure and controlled, bravely continuing with the Queen's Diamond Jubilee tour of East Asia with her husband, until landing on the Solomon Island where they were greeted by a number of topless women in native dress.

Holy cow with four nipples!

Forget the four nipple cows, the royal pair were greeted by at least twenty exposed nipples. The Duchess perhaps reflected that she was trapped in some sort of nipple nightmare from which she could not escape. The Duke, however, did not appear to be troubled or in a nipple nightmare from which he desired to escape. He didn't even mention taking any legal action.

A company in China that manufactures commemorative dishes of the royal family announced they would soon produce four piece place settings of the topless Duchess of Cambridge, (in bone china) and orders were already stacking up.

Italian newspapers claimed they had additional photographs they would soon publish of the Duchess bottomless.

Those could be used for serving platters.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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