Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 2 October 2012

image for Simon Cowell And The Sheep
The "Sultan of Sarcasm" says that his one and only vice is cigarettes. (Photo by Britney Spears).

HOLLYWOOD - Simon Cowell of the X-Factor, who is referred to as The "Viceroy of Venom," is not known for his clothing expertise, which pretty much consists of wearing either a simple black or a simple gray T-shirt.

But word out of Tinsel Town is that "Simple" Simon does care about his face as evidenced by the fact that he spends $524 to get a skin replenishing treatment at the famed Haven of Hair Salon in Beverly Hills.

Hair stylist to the stars FuFi Fondue, owner of the salon, told Bedroom Pillow Talk's Carolina Chipotle that for the past nine months Simon has had his face treated with a salve made from the placenta, intestines, and lips of an adult female sheep.

Fondue noted that Cowboy, as he refers to Cowell, is really devoted to making sure that his face is as soft and as smooth as it can possibly be.

He noted that Simon spends over $4,000 a month on various botox treatments, mouth massages, vitamin shots, nostril antiseptics, lip liniments, cheek lotions, and eyelid emollients.

When asked if he doesn't think that he is overdoing it a bit, the 52-year-old British mogul grins, takes a puff of his Marlboro Cigarette and replies, "Can a friggin porcupine have too many quills?"

CLOSING TIDBIT: Simon wants it known that the rumor that he is dating Paris Hilton is absolutely pure, unadulterated, bloody, bloomin' rubbish.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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