Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

image for Lindsay Lohan Says She Was Groped In Her Hotel Room
Lindsay shown in her New York City hotel room watching reruns of Gilligan's Island.

NEW YORK CITY - Like a moth to a flame, trouble seems to seek out Lindsay Lohan as if she is the only celebrity in the world of LaLaLand.

Lohan, who has had two vehicular accidents, stolen a $2,500 necklace, participated in a game of Spin The Jose Cuervo Bottle with her manicurist, her hair stylist, and an unemployed dentist from Oxnard, California, is still traveling at a high rate of speed in the fast lane.

She has been given more chances than the entire female inmate population incarcerated at The Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison For Women in Los Angeles.

And now the 26-year-old celebutante is alleging that she was groped in her hotel room by a GOP congressional staffer identified as Christian "The Temper" LaBella, 25.

Lohan told Tittle Tattle Tonight's Tapioca Swizzle that she and two friends had gone drinking to several New York nightspots including The Guzzling Gnu Club, The Inebriated Kangaroo Lounge, and The Drunken Door Mouse Bar.

She said that she met LaBella at The Inebriated Kangaroo and the two danced to several songs including Demi Lovato's "Skyscraper," Lady Gaga's "Born This Way," and Camel Carl & The Desert Rag Headz' "Yo Is Just A Little Three-Letter Word For Hey."

LiLo recalled drinking about 7 or 12 Anaconda Shooters and then inviting LaBella up to her hotel room to watch reruns of her favorite show Gilligan's Island.

The next thing she remembers is waking up from a quick nap and hearing LaBella say, "Hey Ginger, it's me Gilligan, whatcha say we go down to the beach and I'll show you my coconuts."

Lohan said that she started screaming and Gilligan quickly got dressed and ran out of her $900 a day room.

SIDENOTE: When NYPD Officer Tanner F. Yankowski asked Lohan to describe LaBella she grinned and said that he was wearing a straw hat, a Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts, and kept saying words like "Skipper!" "Ginger!" and "Bamboo Shoots Salad again?"

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.



Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.




Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 3?

8 3 21 10
78 readers are online right now!

Go to top