Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 30 September 2012

image for Arnold Schwarzenegger Admits To Dallying With Brigitte Nielsen
Arnold Schwarzenegger testifying that he never met Monica Lewinsky. (Photo by Danny DeVito).

NEW ORLEANS - Arnold Schwarzenegger traveled down to the Big Easy on a promotional book tour for his latest book titled Total Recall - My Story of Loving, Lusting, and Lap Mingling.

He was interviewed by several reporters with the entertainment industry including Hacienda Dakota with Hollywood Vis-รก-Vis.

Miss Dakota asked him if he missed being the governor of California. He laughed and said that he misses it about as much as Kevin James misses a meal; which is never.

He was then asked about the fact that he admits in his book that he once lent Simon Cowell $400 when he was going through some hard times.

Schwarzenegger stated that he does not recall writing that in his book and added that furthermore he has never ever met Simon Cowell.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The part about Simon Cowell being lent $400 actually appears in Tom Arnold's book, My Life Without The Funny, Witty, Fat, and Rich Roseanne.]

Arnold, who is 65, was then asked about his affair with Brigitte Nielsen during the 1985 filming of the movie Red Sonja.

Schwarzenegger blushed as he took a sip of a high-powered protein drink and remarked that at the time he was 38, and she was 22.

He explained that she came on to him and there was just no way in the world that he was going to be able to resist the advances of such a stunningly sexy and sensuously nubile young actress.

He went on to say that they spent lots of nights after a days shooting in his movie trailer talking about Europe, the Beatles, and engaging in marathon bouts of mattress merriment.

SIDENOTE: Arnold was asked if the thought of marrying Nielsen ever crossed his mind. He giggled and said that it did after each and every act of mattress merriment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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