Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 29 September 2012

image for Mila Kunis Ready To Marry Ashton Kutcher
Mila Kunis shown relaxing in Ashton's $3.7 million Hollywood Hills apartment.

HOLLYWOOD - Mila Kunis, 29, The star of Black Swan, Krippendorf's Tribe, and The True Story of Sasquatch has stated that she is ready to marry her boyfriend Ashton Kutcher, 34.

But there is one slight, little holdup - Demi Moore. Ashton is still married to Moore and Demi has stated that she is in no hurry to file for a divorce especially now that she knows that Mila is in the picture.

Kutcher has talked to famed Left Coast attorney Ginger Allred who has told him that the way she sees it Chaz Bono will become anorexic before Moore, who is 49, grants him his divorce.

Vodka Vermicelli with iRumors is reporting that Ashton is so desperate to marry Mila that he he has offered Moore $2 million in cash if she will go ahead and divorce him.

He has also offered to buy her 100 dolls for her extensive doll collection which she keeps in a house adjacent to her home in the Hollywood Hills.

Kutcher said that he promised Demi's three quasi-cute daughters Rumer, Scout, and Tallulah Willis that he will not file divorce papers on their mom.

Meanwhile Mila is being very patient but according to her pedicurist, manicurist, gynecologist, and gardener she is beginning to wonder how long it will be before Demi becomes the ex-Mrs. Ashton Kutcher.

SIDENOTE: Ashton has become so stressed out about the whole situation that it is beginning to affect his performance on Two and A Half Men. Co-star Jon Cryer noted that Ashton is forgetting lines and in some scenes instead of calling him by his character name Alan, he is calling him Jon instead.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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