Written by Ossurworld
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Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Rob Gronkowski has beaten many opponents in his two-year career as a tight end. The biggest flake on the Patriots has now given us a literal flake.

Grrr-onk is taking on his toughest competitor in a limited match. Yes, Gronk is going to spike it to Tony The Tiger.

Frosted Flakes are the field of endeavor. They're grrreat, as we all know from childhood. Gronk is doing one better on Tony by insisting his jacked up and buff body is the result of eating a product that was not on the market when Gronk grew up.

Even more perplexing, the name of Gronk has been given a marketing uplift and separation. Not that Gronk is competing with Playtex, but his name has been provided the ever-popular umlaut to dress up his Polish name with a bit more polish.

Grrr-onk Flakes are an offer we cannot refuse and expect the local supermarket to have stripped shelves after Gronk himself shows up to promote the stuff. Yes, he calls it "stuff."

It may be the stuff men dream of, rounding out the days of our lives. As a marketing ploy, Gronk may be the best thing since sliced bread. He also points out that Gronk Flakes will support charities through the Gronk Nation Youth Foundation.

If you still have your Flutie Flakes on the kitchen shelf, you may be an older Patriot than anyone on today's team. Doug Flutie played for the Patriots in the old days. Those unopened boxes of Flutie Flakes are going for a hefty price on e-Bay, almost $10.

In twenty years when Gronk is making movies and basking in his legendary lifestyle, you may be glad you didn't eat that box of Gronk Flakes, but wisely wrapped it in airtight bags for the right moment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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