LONDON (ABSNN) - Fresh from their triumph at the London Olympic Games finale, the Spice Girls have decided to stay together long enough to challenge the Celtic Woman singing group for the Jello Wrestling Championship of the Western World. Fans of both groups are "flummoxed by the news," said fans of both groups.
Victoria (Posh Spice) spoke as Coach for the Spice Girls at the announcement Sunday afternoon. Violinist Mairead (Pixie) stood in as Coach for Celtic Woman.
"The fans want this. They want to see the Spice Girls, nearly nekkid, in a transparent tub of blueberry jello, slapping the BeJeezus, out of these Celtic twits," said Posh Spice.
"Well, we don't usually stoop to Jello Wrestling, in skimpy bikinis, for money, but when it is for our fans the world over, we will do it gladly," said Mairead (Pixie).
"But we obviously have the best singers in all of the UK and Ireland, and the Spice Girls are bimbos, obviously anorexic, and out of their weight class. We'll kick their skinny asses from here to eternity," the Celtic Woman Coach said.
"Bitch," spat Posh Spice with fire in her eyes.
"Skank," Mairead (Pixie) countered. She was smiling.
At that point Jerry Springer, the event organizer, stepped in between the two and received a kick to the testicles by Posh Spice. Security put both women in headlocks until the crisis passed.
A half-hour later, Springer explained the rules:
"Mairead (Pixie) will fight Victoria (Posh) until one or the other wins three out of four falls, or drowns in the jello, which ever comes first," he said.
"Next, Lisa (Elder Lisa) will wrestle Melanie (Sporty Spice) in an identical best three of four falls, or till one is dead," Springer said.
"Chole (Big Chole) and Emma (Baby Spice) will enter the Jello Bowl stark nekkid, and armed with chains, knives and enema bags. This match, unlike the first two is to the death," he explained.
"The last match is a tag team event between Lisa (New Lisa) and Susan (The Blonde Bombshell) facing Melanie (Scary Spice) and, hopefully, Geri (Ginger Spice). This match will be a "anything goes," timed event of sixty minutes," Springer said.
The matches will be refereed by Prince Charles, Prince William, Prince Harry, and Pince Phillip (if he's alive). In the event that Prince Phillip is unable to participate, Irish President, Michael D. Higgins, will step in to officiate.
"I say we all wrestle nekkid," challenged Victoria (Posh Spice).
"Of course you would say that you whore," retorted Mairead (Pixie).
"Cunt," snapped Posh.
"Tornado twat," countered Coach Mairead (Pixie).
This time, neither Jerry Spring, nor Security was able to keep the two women apart. A zoo keeper shot both in the asses with a tranquilizer gun. That stopped the pre-fight fight.
The Spoof's own skoob1999, will be the ringside announcer. Fr. Franois Dubois, S.J. will oversee the prefight physicals.
The event will be televised live on The Spoof TV Network. Delayed feeds will air on the Christian Broadcast Network. Jello is the sponsor.