Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 23 September 2012

image for Lindsay Lohan Denies Hit and Run
Lindsay Lohan can be seen slouching down in the back of NYPD police car #145. (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

NEW YORK CITY - Lindsay Lohan seems to attract trouble wherever she goes.

Hollywood Innuendo's Fajita San Guacamole stated that Lindsay could be sitting in a convent having dinner with a bunch of nuns and she would probably be accused of spiking the bread pudding with bourbon.

Lohan, who is really putting her nickname of Lucky to the test is quickly running out of chances.

In her latest vehicular incident she is alleged to have accidentally clipped a New York City officer's police horse as she was on her way to get a double pepperoni pizza at a Pizza Doll Pizza Parlor in Queens.

According to NYPD desk sergeant Bernie Tallafellini (Badge #8019136), Miss Lohan's rented yellow Ford 150 pick up truck hit the police horse of NYPD police officer Archie "Bullets" Fetchfurst (Badge #8019891).

Fetchfurst's horse named Giggles was away from the flow of traffic as the officer was on the sidewalk writing out a ticket to an 18 wheeler that was parked on top of the sidewalk.

Lohan is alleging that the horse suddenly jumped in front of her car as she was driving by.

Officer Fetchfurst, a 19 year veteran of the NYPD Police Horse Division, stated that NYPD police horses are trained not to move even one inch once the officer dismounts.

The Hollywood starlet argued that she actually saw Giggles move a full nine inches which caused her to hit him with her car's left front and left rear tires.

The officer noted in his report that Giggles received a bruise to his right hoof and two of the nails in his right horseshoe became dislodged causing extreme trauma to the horse as well as to the officer.

Miss Lohan was cited for failure to stop and render aid, for leaving the scene of a crime, along with your basic hit and run.

The much troubled, freckled-faced Hollywood space cadet was also cited for giving a New York City law enforcement officer some attitude.

Lohan was apprehended and handcuffed. She was asked if she had been drinking. She said that she'd had a 16-ounce bottle of diet water and two Coney Island hot dogs.

SIDENOTE: Miss Lohan was released on a $915 personal recognizance bond and she is expected to appear in court in early October. She could also possibly be charged with trying to bribe a NYPD desk Sergeant with an autographed 8 by 10 glossy of her in a very skimpy purple swimsuit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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