Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 23 September 2012

image for Chad Ochocinco Escapes Going To Jail
Ochocinco was hoping that he would get picked up by the Dallas Cowboys but owner Jerry Jones said "No way Jose!"

DAVIE, Florida - Last month former NFL wide receiver Chad Ochocinco, in a span of 48 hours, headbutted his wife Evelyn, got released by the Miami Dolphins, lost his unaired reality show, and was hit with divorce papers.

Mr. 85, was found guilty of headbutting his ravishingly well-endowed wife Evelyn Lozada, while he was wearing his Miami Dolphins football helmet.

Ochocinco, told the investigating officers that he had not realized that he was wearing his football helmet at the time of the incident.

Evelyn had found a box of Glow-In-The-Dark Condoms in the trunk of her husband's orange 2012 Lamborghini Murcielago and questioned him on it.

Chad replied that he had no idea how they got there and even suggested that law enforcement officers had planted it there.

The former NFLer later changed his story and said that he had purchased them for his best friend Terrell Owens due to the fact that T.O. is very shy when it comes to buying things of an intimate nature.

When officers pointed out that his wife was bleeding from her forehead he tried to tell them that she had done it when she gave herself some botox injections and got a cramp in her hand.

The officers did not buy the story. Evelyn filed for divorce on grounds of Malo Ipso Cabeza Buttitis and the next day the Miami Dolphins released numero 85 on grounds of unsportsmanlike conduct.

Chad and Evelyn were only married for 41 days, clearly beating the 72 day marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Ochocinco is very lucky that he did not get any prison time. He was put on 13 months probation and will have to pay a $71,283 batterer's fee.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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