NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - Paris Hilton, the woman decried from every conservative, evangelical pulpit in the US, is now those very same Christian's newly minted, heterosexual pin up girl. Not only that, but some Republicans, speaking on Fox News, began to think seriously about dumping Mitt Romney and beginning a "Hilton for Prez" write-in campaign.
Why? Why Paris Hilton?
It is because Paris recently "came out," vehemently, against homosexual men saying:
"Gay men are the horniest people in the world. They're disgusting. Most of them probably have AIDS."
Hilton's remarks were taped by a cab driver as Hilton and a male companion rode through New York City on route to a recent fashion show. Oddly enough, Hilton's companion was a homosexual male model who was showing her a phone APP about the best places to meet gay men.
The male model's remarks were not immediately available.
The news quickly reached the Fox News Channel, and their talking heads quitetly began the process of Hilton's "rehabilitation," said sources within Fox News who wished to remain anonymous.
"Listen," said one pundit, "Romney's pretty well screwed the pooch. He's not electable. We can run Paris because everybody has heard of her, even in West Virginia and Mississippi. Her name recognition alone would guarentee 5 million votes," he said.
Another Fox News political analyst told reporters (off the record), "Paris Hilton would bring in hundreds of thousands of young voters, all of the kids who read People Magazine, and Democrats by the scores. It would be a Paris Hilton landslide. Obama would be toast."
Hilton is said to have told the Fox News folks: "If nominated, I will run. If elected, I will serve. Except of course during the social party season."
Fox News asked Hilton what it would take to get her to commit to a campaign.
"Bring me the heads of all the Kardashians," she said.
"And that fire crotch Lohan's too."
We'll keep our readers informed of all developments.