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Tuesday, 18 September 2012

image for Al Qaeda's Number 2 will fund "Jesus the Pussy Whupped" movie
Filming begins on the new Al Qaeda movie "Jesus the Pussy Whupped"

BUMFUCK EGYPT (ABSNN) - The second highest ranking leader of the radical Islamic fundamentalist sect Al Qaeda has announced that he will personally fund the making of a new motion picture, "Jesus the Pussy Whupped".

"Our budget is unlimited. This movie won't be cheesy like the movie (whose name I may not speak) that shagged our Prophet," said Number 2.

Production will start in November. Casting has already begun.

"Mitt Romney will be out of a job in November. We will offer him the part of Mrs. Jesus," said Number 2.

Romney did not immediately respond to the offer.

The Al Qaeda leader, known only as Number 2, remains incognito due to the fact that all of his predecessors in that position have assumed ambient room temperature due to US drone attacks.

"I'm in the same position as that Egyptian Coptic infidel who made the movie (whose name I may not speak) that so inflamed our people and insulted our Prophet, Mohammed," Number 2 stated.

"I'll have to hide out till the fire storm dies down," he said.

The plot is reported to revolve around the recently discovered 'Honey Do' list, written by the unknown wife of Jesus. It was uncovered by Harvard Divinity School professor Karen L. King.

"The 'Honey do' list was written by the wife of Jesus Christ and shows her to be the boss in His Holy house," said Number 2.

"What a pisser! Jesus was pussy whupped. His wife orders Him to: Do this; do that; do it now; do it right; or no nookie for you. No Muslim would put up with that shit," he chortled.

"But at least we won't show him as a faggot, like the movie (who's name I may not speak) showed our Prophet to be," Number 2 said.

"We want to be fair about this," he added.

Crowds in the US, having read this report, have already been whipped into a frenzy, and calls have gone out on Fox News for "All red blooded, white, Anglo-Saxon Protestants (no Unitarians, Anglicans, Presbyterians or Quakers wanted) to congregate around A-rab embassies in the US and to tear down their flags, kill Muslim ambassadors, and do shit like that."

"Mitt Romney will carry the flag," said Sean Hannity.

President Obama apologized to Al Qaeda "for the incongruity of it all."

We will keep you informed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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