Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 11 December 2012

image for Sales of Pippa Middleton's Tell All Book Go Through The Roof
Queen Elizabeth II, owns 1,404 hats. (Photo courtesy of Simon Cowell).

CHICAGO - A spokesperson for The Fig Leaf Bookstore, which is one of the nation's largest, has stated that Pippa Middleton's new tell-all book, titled Pippa's Royal Rumblings is literally flying off the bookshelves.

The book which Len Goodman, Barbara Walters, and LeBron James all say makes a great Christmas gift reveals some highly interesting secrets in regards to England's royal family.

In Chapter 3, Pippa writes that of the 1,404 hats that Queen Elizabeth II owns, her most favorite is the one that she was given by Piers Morgan.

The queen says that Piers is so gosh darn cute that he reminds her of a cinnamon crumpet.

She added that if she was 40 years younger she would like to do the Argentine tango with Mr. Morgan.

Pippa noted that the queen's least favorite hat is the one she received from Pixie Lott.

In Chapter 6, she mentions that one of her sister Kate's five erogenous zones is oddly enough her left ankle. She includes a photo of the left ankle which outwardly at least, appears normal for a woman of her age (30).

Miss Middleton writes in Chapter 9, that Prince Charles' wife, Camilla uses a mixture of pure vanilla extract mixed with peanut butter and bacon bits to help cover up unsightly cellulite.

She also mentions that Prince Charles favorite Rolling Stones song is "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction."

SIDENOTE: Pippa devoted two entire chapters to Prince Andrew's ex-wife Sarah, The Duchess of York. Sad to say none of Fergie's excerpts could be included in this article due to the fact that they are just much to graphically explicit in nature.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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