Written by jd Balderdash
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Sunday, 2 July 2006

image for The Bonanza Klan Gay? Their Horses Too?
Is this horse (Hoss) GAY or what?

(qNeWs) - qNeWs has nothing against straights, gays OR the artist formerly known as Micheal Jackson. qNeWs simply LIKES to at least know which side of the fence our western heros are coming from. Little Joe, Hoss, Adam and Ben. The Cartwrights. Gay or not? Their horses sure were according to noted gay-ologist Sven Svenson. ..

SVEN -> The whole Bonanza series was bi if not gay. Look at Little Joe's hair alone. Even a drunken penguin watching the show on TV Land would go

DRUNKEN PENGUIN -> That guy on the polka-dot horse with the (hick) doo is gay.

And drunken penguins can't even TALK!
So there we have it. All of the horses on Bonanza were, according to Sven either gay or BI or both .. hard to tell with a horse, them having hooves, manes, tails and all. Kinda of like Richard Simmons.

Bonanza, one of NBC's most successful shows ever first premiering in 1959 ran for 13 years until somebody in the NBC control booth finally came to their senses and pulled the plug on the whole gay affair .. 13 years "too late" according to some Bonanza critics.

Dan Blocker (Hoss) once told reporters,

BLOCKER -> I don't know about Little Joe but .. heck no .. I'm not gay. Except for that time me and Adam back in paw's mule-shed .. is that camera rolling?

"Bonanza was no Brokeback Mountain" NASA says (about to send yet another shuttle to it's fiery demise) but according to Sven Svenson, Hop Sing and Ben had a REASON for sending the "boys" off way over to Virginia City every now, every then .. a TWO hour ride on straight horses let alone gay ones, trot.

Lorne Greene, (Ben) years after Bonanza ended joined the hit NBC series BattleStar Galactica. According to noted gay-ologist Sven Svenson this alone confirmed Greene's gayness. One time when asked one time in to comment on his drop-dead gorgeous co-star, Jayne Semour, Greene replied,

"Jayne will do in a crunchy but .. Pernel Roberts, he played Adam on our old Bonanza series, how about Pernel? He sure had my juices, uh .. is that camera rolling?"

The late Pernell Roberts (Adam) of the hit series Bonanza was unavailable for comment. Or any of the horses.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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