Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 11 September 2012

image for Simon Cowell's Meltdown
One of Simon Cowell's favorite T-shirts which was a gift from England's Queen Elizabeth II. (Photo by Pixie Lott).

LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell is a very private individual who does not like to give interviews. But he did sit down recently with Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight.

De Gallo asked the man known as The Sultan of Sarcasm how many T-shirts he has. Simon grinned, took a puff of his Marlboro cigarette, and remarked that he has lost count but that it is over 200.

He said that of the 200 he actually only purchased one and the others were gifts from his ex-fiancée Mezhgan Hussainy, his ex-girlfriend Paula Abdul, and his ex-confidante Nicole Scherzinger.

Cowell informed de Gallo that he had really been working hard lately and he has been spending a lot of time flying back and forth across the pond from New York City to London.

The man known as The Viceroy of Venom is responsible for many reality shows including X-Factor (England), Britain's Got Talent, American Idol, X-Factor (America), America's Got Talent, Q-Factor (France), and Upper Zamgola's Got Talent.

Simon said that he was recently sitting at a Vicious Guppy Seafood Diner in Redondo Beach when he suddenly felt very dizzy. At first he thought that it was maybe due to the fact that he had eaten 9 hush puppies dipped in Tabasco Sauce.

He said that he called up his good friend Paula "Touchdown" Abdul who showed up within five minutes. She quickly rushed him to The Our Lady of The Silver Screen Hospital where it was determined that he was suffering from Stressafolia Uni-Induciculitis, which is basically a fancy way to say self induced stress.

His doctor, McDuffie P. Digglesteen, 78, conducted a thorough investigation and ascertained that the stress was due to his arguments with Britney Spears, Demi Lovato, and the know-it-all L.A. Reid.

The Count of Criticism was told to stay away from X-Factor for seven days. Cowell exploded saying that there is no way that he could possibly do that and he started yelling, screaming, and hollering at the top of his lungs in an English accent using British words such as blimey, bloody, bollocks, Buckingham Palace, crumpets, and Ringo Starr.

To read more about Simon Cowell's medical affliction Stressafolia Uni-Induciculitis, go to www.stressisabitch.yes

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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