Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 4 September 2012

image for Heidi Klum Says Seal Needs To Stop Whining
Heidi Klum lying out by a swimming pool down in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

NEW ORLEANS - Heidi Klum traveled down to the Big Easy to help with the distribution of the contents of an 18-wheeler which was loaded with food, bottled water, toys, towels, and cosmetics.

Heidi had personally helped to load the items which she had purchased at a King's Kastle Supermarket in Marina Del Rey.

She stated that she has lots of Facebook friends who live in New Orleans and she wanted to show them that she is just not a name on a Facebook account like some people including Paris Hilton, Lisa Lampanelli, Jeffrey Ross, Hank Williams Jr., and Rush Limbaugh.

Heidi confided to Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywood Innuendo that she is still having a hard time after filing for divorce from Seal, her husband of seven years.

She stated that she has gotten over him but that he has not gotten over her and he is trying his best to make it difficult for her by saying that she snores like one of Attila the Hun's Huns.

Klum pointed out that Seal is bound and determined to try and discredit her. He recently told the supermarket tabloid Just Saying that Heidi went down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and was lying out by the pool at The Pancho Villa Resort Villa, in what one resort employee described as the skimpiest swimsuit in all of Cabo.

Heidi noted that Seal has accused her of having an affair with her long time bodyguard Martin "Muscles" Kristen.

Klum has repeatedly stated that Martin is her bodyguard and that he is also her best friend, her confidante, and a shoulder on which she can lean on and cry her eyes out and state how jealous Seal was.

She went on to say that Seal is nothing but a third-rate whiner and he actually wanted for her to wear an ankle bracelet monitoring device. She told him that LeAnn Rimes would gain 200 pounds before that would happen.

SIDENOTE: GOP vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan says that he does not appreciate the nation's First Mama, Michelle Obama referring to him by the nickname "Skippy."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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