Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 2 September 2012

image for Justin Bieber Offered $25 Million!
Mariah Carey shown relaxing in her kitchen. (Photo courtesy of Rico Chorizo).

HOLLYWOOD - American Idol will enter Season 12 with three brand new judges.

The shows producer Simon Shindlebocker said that judges Jennifer "La Tush" Lopez and Steven "Lips" Tyler have left for greener pastures and that Randy "The Dawg" Jackson just left at the insistence of the shows powers that be.

Shindlebocker told Margarita Mixx with The Tinsel Town Times Tribune that the first judge signed for the upcoming season is Mariah Carey.

He noted that by bringing in the fantastically voluptuous Carey they hope to capture the 20 to 50-year-old male viewers who have gradually drifted away from the show.

Shindlebocker pointed out that they also hope to capture Mariah's millions of music fans as well as a large portion of the lesbianite faction.

When asked what the reasoning behind hiring Nicky Minaj was he simply shook his head and remarked that he had nothing to do with that decision.

He confessed that he himself cannot figure out where a cartoon character like picky Nicky will possibly bring in a sizable amount of viewers other than booty-fascinated males.

He praised the choice of country music artist Keith Urban as a judge saying that the down-under native will certainly bring in the country music fans as well as a large segment of Australian-Americans.

Shindlebocker quipped that American Idol is planning on having Urban's gorgeous wife Nicole Kidman sitting in the audience in short miniskirts and they will have the cameras focus on her at least three or six times during each show.

When the famed producer was asked about the rumor that American Idol had offered Justin Bieber $25 million to appear as the fourth judge Shindlebocker replied that it was not a rumor but a fact.

He said that he personally suggested that Bieber be hired to be the fourth judge in order to bring in more of the young girl viewers who still go gaga for Justin.

Shindlebocker did express disappointment at the fact that Bieber turned down the extremely lucrative offer due to the fact that he wants to spend more time with his older girlfriend Selena Gomez who has said she is sick and tired of Justin not paying attention to her.

Bieber also pointed out that he wants to spend more time racing his brand new car as well as showing up all of a sudden at restaurants like Burger Bandit, the Pizza Doll, the Flamboyant Tortilla, and the IHIPHOP Soul Food Restaurant and giving the patrons and employees one hell of a thrill.

In Political News. Political Salad Bar Magazine is reporting that Ann Romney's glamour makeover for her GOP Convention speech cost the Republican party $2,917.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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