Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 31 August 2012

image for Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev To Star In The Spy-Thriller Film Cut & Paste
Ian and Nina filming the dazzling deer pasture scene. (Photo courtesy of Rico Chorizo).

HOLLYWOOD - The TouchRock Motion Picture Company in association with Pipe Dream Films has just announced their latest venture into the Land of Movies.

Noted director Bandini Borrapelli will be directing the stars of The Vampire Diaries Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev in the spy-thriller Cut & Paste.

The film is based on the novel by the infamous Italian-Ukrainian author Cyrano Griffachenko, 72.

Griffachenko has won numerous awards for his novels including Norway's Silver Sardine Literary Award for his book The Cheating Game, which dealt with the Norwegian Downhill Skiing Scandal of 1959, plus the coveted Lila P. Bettenhausen Golden Quill Trophy for his riveting novel Spitballs, Balks, and Bets which dealt with The Phoenix Purple Sox Pitching Scandal of 1942.

In the motion picture Somerhalder will star as Portugal's infamous military spy Barnabas "El Barnacle" Caldo-Verde, youngest son of the notorious Portuguese underworld spy Ramon "El Jellyfish" Caldo-Verde.

Nina Dobrev will portray Baltimore native Brenda "Cutey Pie" Hugglenest an American who works as a computer consultant and who is in Portugal on a Portuguese cuisine scholarship.

Caldo-Verde and Hugglenest meet one day in a Mickey D's of all places and quickly strike up a conversation. Within a few minutes they both learn that each loves Chicken McNuggets, the Baltimore Orioles, and the Beatles song "Here Comes The Sun."

The two soon move in together and one day as the two are watching I Love Lucy reruns with Portuguese subtitles, Barnabas confesses to Brenda that he is one of Portugal's top spies.

She is literally shocked and cannot believe it since he appears to be so gosh darn normal. Brenda then tells Barney, as she calls him, that she has a secret to reveal to him.

A puzzled Barnabas asks her what it is.

Brenda, blushingly reveals to him that her birth certificate reads Brendon Harold Hugglenest.

Barney is absolutely shocked to hear that Brenda was once a male. He turns as white as Nicole Kidman. Brenda starts laughing and quickly tells him that she is a stand up comedian wannabe and she was just pulling his leg.

He is so happy at finding out that she is actually a biological girl that he takes her out shopping and spends $971 buying her sexy lingerie, shoes, cosmetics, and several bags of Reese's Pieces which Brenda says she is addicted to.

The film will be rated X, due to the very explicit nude scene between Barnabas and Brenda that takes place in the kitchen of their apartment.

SIDENOTE: Bandini Borrapelli noted that the intimate kitchen scene took 13 takes to film due to the fact that Ian and Nina kept knocking the salt and pepper shakers off of the table.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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