Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 27 August 2012

image for Ashton Kutcher Wants A Divorce From Demi Moore So He Can Marry Mila Kunis
Demi has vowed that if and when she divorces Ashton it is going to cost him tons of money. (Photo courtesy of Oprah Winfrey).

WILLIAMSPORT, Pennsylvania - Ashton Kutcher and his girlfriend Mila Kunis were in Williamsport watching the Little League World Series Championship Game between Tennessee and Japan.

The team from Japan won the game 12-2. After the game Ashton and Mila signed a few autographs and had their photos taken with Japan's two top players, 12-year-old Kotaro Kiyomiya, who stands 6 feet tall and weighs 205 pounds and Noriatsu Osaka.

As Kutcher and Kunis were getting into their limo Ashton was approached by Ty Tickler with Hollywood Innuendo and asked about the just out of the rumor mill rumor that he and Mila could be hearing wedding bells pretty soon.

A surprised Kutcher, who was wearing a Davy Crockett coonskin cap in honor of Tennessee, replied that the rumor is true.

He then explained that he has asked Demi Moore his May-December, cougar wife to please go and ahead and file for divorce so that he and the stunningly sexy Kunis can fly down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, and get married.

When asked what Moore had said to that, Kutcher just shook his head and remarked that the rail thin Demi, who is beginning to look like a senior citizen version of LeAnn Rimes, is being a very difficult b*tch about the whole Grand Coulee Dam thing.

He disclosed that she told him that she is really in no hurry to divorce his John Mayeresque butt so that he can jump into another marriage with the younger, libido-crazed actress.

Ashton told her that Mila is not libido-crazed and that she only appears to be that way because she is head-over-heels in love with him.

He then angrily told her that if she wants to play hardball then he will hire Gloria Allred and he'll go ahead and file for divorce his own damn self.

Moore responded by saying that if he does she is going to reveal all of the extremely intimate marital secrets that he has asked her to please never reveal.

When Moore was asked by Hollywood Innuendo to name some of the secrets she simply grinned and stated that she will reveal the secrets at the proper time.

She did hint that one incident involves a T-shirt cannon, a can of whipped cream, and a Joan Rivers Inflatable Doll.

The 49-year-old Moore did promise that the secrets will probably hurt his reputation, his male ego, his political leanings, and his acting career to the point where he could end up getting fired from his hit show Two and A Half Men.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: GOP vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan told The Political Drive Thru Window News Agency that he has a feeling that Hurricane Issac will turn back around, head south, and will probably make landfall in Peru. Wow! He sounds a lot like Sarah "Snowflake" Palin.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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