The White House- President Bush announced in a press conference that he will "pull out all the stops" in attacking the upcoming Aerosmith/Motley Crue joint tour.
The legendary rock bands have teamed up for a U.S. Summer Tour, criscrossing the United States for a tour that is expected to be sold out.
The Aerosmith/Motley Crue tour, dubbed the "Route of All Evil" tour, has caught the attention of the President, citing that possible Al-Queda members may be involved or may attend the concerts.
"I have stepped up security measures and ordered bombing raids over every one of those concerts, just for good measure," the President declared.
The President criticized Aerosmith's and Motley Crue's songs, calling them "encrypted" messages to the Al-Queda network. Aerosmith's song repertoire includes classic songs such as "Walk This Way," "Dude (Looks Like A Lady)" and newer hits like "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing."
"That song 'I Don't Want To Miss A Thing' is obviously a love song to Osama bin Laden," stated Bush. "And what about that song by Motley Crue, 'Shout At The Devil'? It has evil written all over it."
"Aerosmith even wrote a song about my Veep---'Cheney's Got A Gun'---the nerve of that Stevie Tyler," an angry Bush declared, pounding his fist on the podium.
In private, Bush has been quoted as saying that these bands were "bitches on wheels," and that he couldn't figure out why these "lovely ladies" would write such subversive songs. When corrected by an aide that these were male bands, Bush simply gave him the finger.
Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler, 59, who is recovering from throat surgery, had this to say to Bush: "Bring it on, baby."
Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx plans to play an acoustic folk set a la Bruce Springsteen, playing protest songs such as "We Shall Overcome" and "Bring Them Home" in a move to "diversify their musical tastes."
Sources from the White House say that this is the biggest campaign of the Bush administration against evil and that it strikes right into the hearts of the "evildoers."
Although the tour will cater nightly to around 20,000 young Americans, this "does not deter in any way the President's resolve to bomb the hell out of them. 20,000 lives snuffed out a night is nothing compared to killing the root of all evil."
It worthy to note that the tour is entitled "The Route of All Evil," and not the "Root of all Evil."