Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 24 August 2012

image for Katy Perry and John Mayer Are History
Mayer has been called lots of names by his ex-girlfriends including a weasel, a whack job, and a worm.

LOS ANGELES - There is no male in Tinsel Town who has a worse reputation for being a Love 'em and Leave 'em jerk than John "The Player" Mayer.

Mayer who is perhaps noted more for being a proponent of The Slam Bam Thank You Ma'am School of Romance has once again waltzed in to a young girl's heart, stolen it, and then proceeded to crush it with his Casanovaesque ego which is the size of Russia.

And his latest victim is Russell Brand's ex-wife, the ping pong ball eyed, highly-libidoed Katy Perry.

Johnny as Barbara Walters calls him is apparently intent on getting as many notches on his bedpost as humanly possible.

He has already played his I Love You Forever Game with the likes of such noted celebs as Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift, and Ke$ha.

Simpson was so angry at the breakup that she told Tittle Tattle Tonight that John is nothing but a puny little boy dressed up in little boy clothes.

Aniston said that she has no idea what she saw in Mayer whom she said has all the personality of a beached porpoise.

Ke$ha disclosed that John smells like carbon tetrachloride mixed with sauerkraut juice and lobster spit.

And Taylor simply said to listen to the song she wrote about the low-life snake in the grass "Dear John."

Katy Perry's hair stylist FuFi Fondue informed 3T that Perry is very upset at the breakup. He made her smile when he told her that John probably dates women and then breaks up with them real quick because he may just be one of those sidesaddle riding singers ala Clay Aiken, Ricky Martin, or Boy George.

Fondue perhaps said it best when he stated that Mayer is 34 going on 14.

A Friendly Reminder. August 29, is National Seagull Day so if you live near the beach be sure to go out and feed the feathered little creatures some Cheetos or bits of Chicken McNuggets.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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