Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 24 August 2012

image for A Heartbroken Kristen Stewart Flies Down To Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
Kristen is so depressed she went off and left her $400 K-Stew Designer Sneakers on the beach at Cabo San Lucas.

CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Mexico's national news agency, Las Maracas is reporting that Twilight actress Kristen Stewart is staying at the luxurious Puffy Taco Resort & Casino.

The establishment which is co-owned by Ryan Seacrest and Steven Tyler has become one of the preferred haunts of the Hollywood Jet Set crowd.

Las Maracas reporter Laguna Vendetta said that K-Stew checked in using the alias Georgia Kaminski, which was the name of her movie character in the 2007 film The Cake Eaters.

The 22-year-old, heartbroken actress appeared to look extremely gaunt and some of the hotel guests actually confused her with 63-pound LeAnn Rimes, except that Kristen is not a blonde, not a singer, and not a husband stealer...ah well I guess the jury is still out on that third one.

One of the hotel maids, identified as Macarena Cilantro, divulged to Miss Vendetta that Miss Stewart looked quite haggard kind of like the way Chelsea Handler used to look the day after one of her dates with her rapper boyfriend 50 Cent.

Stewart who is still devastated at being dumped by her boyfriend fellow Twilight star Rob Pattinson, for having an affair with her Snow White and The Huntsman accent coach, was seen wearing a bright yellow T-shirt with the inscription. "Hey Everybody, I'm Sorry Okay!"

Apparently Kristen is not very popular down in Mexico because a lot of the local citizens would read her T-shirt and ask "About what?"

In Political News. Mitt Romney has reportedly asked his running mate Paul Ryan to cut off his widow's peak so that the news media stops referring to him as Eddie Munster. Ryan responded with a resounding "No way José!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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