Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 14 August 2012

image for Oprah Winfrey Criticizes Serena Williams For Doing The "Crip Walk"
Maksim Chmerkovskiy gave Oprah this pet snake which she named "Yo Yo" after her diet. (Photo by El NiƱo).

CHICAGO - Oprah Winfrey has expressed the fact that she really and truly misses being in the celebrity limelight and actually feels like a fish out of water.

She recently revealed that she had no idea that not being the focus of so many people's lives would cause her the sadness and depression that it has caused her.

She said that she has noticed quite an increase in her daily calorie intake, which has gone from 7,000 calories per day to a little over 13,000 calories per day.

The outspoken Winfrey really lit into the muscular tennis player Serena Williams after Williams won the Olympic gold medal in womens tennis singles.

Miss O said that she did not appreciate seeing Serena celebrate by shaking her humongous booty and doing the "Crip Walk" in front of millions of television viewers.

Winfrey called up Williams and told her that all she was doing was perpetuating the negative stereotype that all blacks are gang members.

She went on to say that the "Crip Walk" is a colloquial dance that, according to Afro Sheen Magazine, is preferred by 9 out of 10 gang members.

Serena reportedly told Oprah to mind her own damn business and not worry herself over what she, her sister Venus, or the "Black Queen of Mean" Naomi Campbell do or say.

Snoop Lion, formerly known as Snoop Dogg, chimed in and said that Winfrey needs to just sit in one of her 73 mansions, count her billions of dollars, and shut the (blank) up.

And Kim Kardashian's boyfriend Kanye West also put in his two cents saying that Orca (sic) Winfrey needs to go away somewhere with her BFF [wink-wink] Gayle King and just relax by giving each other some neck and back massages.

A Friendly Reminder. August 18, is National Watermelon Seed Spitting Day except in North Dakota where the event is not celebrated since there are no watermelons anywhere in the entire state.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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