Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 11 August 2012

image for Jessica Simpson To Hire A Voodoo Woman To Help Her Lose 100 Pounds
Simpson says that she needs to lose 100 pounds so that she can feel sexy once again. (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Jessica Simpson has confided to her pedicurist that she cannot seem to lose any weight no matter what the hell she does.

She stressed that since giving birth on May 1, to Maxwell House Drew Simpson-Johnson, she has tried at least half a dozen diets, including LeAnn Rimes 45 Calories A Day Diet and nothing has worked.

Jessica says that when she looks in the mirror she sees Kirstie Alley except with blonde hair, a sexy smile, and feminine features.

Simpson recently told Kiowa Kettle with Tittle Tattle Tonight that she is beginning to feel that if she does not lose lots of weight and do it soon that her hubby Eric Johnson may just up and leave her.

She said that she has caught him three times, in the last month alone, going into Internet porn sites and ogling svelte, naked, female bodies while wearing just a T-shirt and his cowboy boots.

Jess confessed that she recently spoke with her good friend Demi Moore and she suggested that she take a trip down to Lake Charles, Louisiana, and pay a visit to Madam Lottie Jo Lafayette, the top voodoo woman in the entire world.

Simpson is so desperate to lose weight that she has decided to take Demi's advice. She even asked Moore if she wouldn't mind accompanying her down to the Bayou State and Demi was only too glad to accept the invitation.

Moore grinned and said that she has been yearning for some good old fashioned Louisiana Chicken and Gumbo, Jambalaya, and Lobster Ètouffée Marinated in Cajun Brewed Beer.

In Olympic News. The Lower Zamgolan women's synchronized swimming team was disqualified when it was learned that one of the team members was smoking during their performance.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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