Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 6 August 2012

image for Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev To Star In "Fifty Shades of Grey"
Ryan Seacrest's girlfriend Julianne Hough reading a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. (Photo by Simon Cowell).

HOLLYWOOD - The Bedroom Pillow Talk Entertainment News Agency has just announced that Pipe Dream Films has acquired the movie rights to the E.L. James novel Fifty Shades of Grey.

The erotic book has already sold 32 million copies world wide including 3 million copies in San Francisco alone.

According to BPT, the novel by the British writer has just become the top selling book of all time in the countries of Cuba, Sweden, and Zimbabwe.

A spokesperson for Pipe Dream Films, Fay Fittpinnfaust has said that the movie will be directed by brothers, Amaretto and Staccato Monteverdi, two highly touted directors from Italy.

Staccato Monteverdi spoke with Gazebo Serengeti of Bedroom Pillow Talk and said that after considering dozens of actors to portray the two main characters Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey that they decided on casting Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder in the lead roles.

Amaretto Monteverdi informed Mr. Serengeti that the film will have an X-rating due to the sadism/masochism nature of the movie. He noted that some of the language is so explicit that he is afraid that some lines may have to be bleeped out for distribution in Iowa, Kansas, and Nebraska.

Somerhalder and Dobrev were told that during some of the more intense scenes involving bondage, discipline, and dominance they could request to use body doubles.

Both Ian and Nina waved off that option stating that they wanted to make the movie as authentic to the book as humanly possible.

Ashton Kutcher, Lindsay Lohan, Zac Efron, and Emma Stone, were all considered for the lead parts but after Ian and Nina were chosen they all agreed to take lesser supporting roles.

Kutcher noted that the film will be a hoot to film and that he would have agreed to co-star at much less than the exorbitant salary that he is being paid.

SIDENOTE: The film which takes place in Seattle, Washington, will be filmed on location in Kalamazoo, Michigan, which bears a striking resemblance to Seattle except for the Space Needle which will be digitally implemented into the movie frames.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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