Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 5 August 2012

image for Joan Rivers Nicknames Christina Aguilera "El Chubbo"
Christina says her favorite food is baby back ribs and she usually eats two half slabs per day. (Photo courtesy of Walmart).

LOS ANGELES - The undisputed "Queen of Mean" Joan Rivers has never been one to hold her tongue.

Rivers, has probably made more derogatory wisecracks about Hollywood's starlets than anyone else including Naomi Campbell, Chelsea Handler, and Kathy Griffin all put together.

And now "Old Woman Rivers" has fired off a volley at the "Genie In A Bottle" singer Christina Aguilera.

Rivers told LaTuna LaTundra with The Tinsel Town Times Tribune that Christina seems to be getting heavier and heavier each week.

She noted that if she keeps it up she is going to be able to wear Kirstie Alley and Wynonna Judd's old clothes.

The venomous comedian even pointed out that Aguilera is at the point where her love handles are now starting to sprout love handles and Rivers has even given her the nickname of "El Chubbo."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Apparently Rivers is not very good at Spanish since even a 10-year-old knows that the name "El Chubbo" is used to designate an overweight male and not an overweight female which would be the more fittingly appropriate "La Panzona."]

When Aguilera was told of Joan "The Moan's" comments she shook her head and replied that Rivers has had so much botox done that she looks more like a space alien than even the space aliens do.

She then pointed out that the "Old Yiddish Hag" has all the charm of a bowl full of squashed fried mushrooms.

SIDENOTE. Christina has said that her boyfriend Matt "The Tom Cat" Rutler tells her at least 31 times a week that he loves her pleasantly plump look and that he would not trade his chubby wubby Christina for half a dozen anorexic-looking LeAnn Rimes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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