Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 30 July 2012

image for Bristol Palin Says "No Sex" Until Marriage
Bristol playing the children's game "Spin, Spin, Spin" with 3-year-old son Tripp. (Photo by Piper Palin).

WASILLA, Alaska - Bristol Palin, the 21-year-old unmarried mother of 3-year-old Tripp Johnston has suddenly become the unofficial spokesperson for young teen girls.

Bristol "The Pistol" as her mother, Sarah "The Snowflake" Palin calls her, got pregnant at the age of 17, from boyfriend Levi "The Hockey Puck" Johnston.

Levi, who went on to date much older Tinsel Town celebrity cougars such as Kathy "The Red Cougar" Griffin, Courtney "The Mess" Love, and Paula "The Touchdown Cougar" Abdul, told Tittle Tattle Tonight's Pico de Gallo that he never intended to marry Bristol.

When asked why, he remarked, "Dude have you gotten a good look at her? I mean a real good, close look?"

De Gallo stated that he really hadn't. Johnston told him that she has the same exact features as Monica Lewinsky, and the Wasilla playboy went on to add that Bristol has some very annoying habits.

"Such as what?" De Gallo asked.

"Well for one thing," Levi replied, "she and her mom both use the same brand of perfume which is called Eau Du Moose."

Levi added that Bristy like her mom also cusses worse than an Oregon lumberjack. He also revealed that both enjoy wearing men's underwear.

Bristol was asked about the men's underwear comment and she replied that wearing men's underwear has become a female tradition in the Palin household and that all of her sisters, cousins, aunts, and both grandmothers have all worn men's underwear at one time or another.

She then pointed out that her mom has even been known to wear a camouflaged jock strap on some of her big game helicopter hunting trips.

Bristol "The Pistol" has stated repeatedly that she does not plan to ever have sex again until she is married good and proper.

When ex-husband Levi was told about her statement he laughed and said that if that is the case Bristol could be up into her mid 40's before that happens.

In A Related Story. Bristol's 17-year-old sister Willow has stated that she will most probably end up following in her sisters footsteps if her mom doesn't stop yelling at her about bringing squirrels, woodchucks, and possums into their Wasilla home which is known as Casa Moscow.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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