Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 28 July 2012

image for Lindsay Lohan Rear-Ends Another Vehicle
BHPD Officer Truxton Stiffeneski driving Lindsay Lohan home. (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

BEVERLY HILLS - Lindsay Lohan is quickly running out of chances. The Hollywood celebutante had gone shopping at the trendy Chanel #7 Store on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills.

Afterwards she got in her late model Porsche Panamera and proceeded to drive to her Venice Beach home, Lucky LohanLand which is aptly named because "LiLo" Lohan is nothing if not lucky.

Lohan said that she was minding her business driving the speed limit when she rear-ended a car. She allegedly told the investigating officer that the car in front of her was stopped.

Officer Truxton S. Stiffeneski [BHPD Badge #30713] informed her that she was correct and that the car a late model silver Mustang was stopped at a red light when she rear-ended it.

Lohan tried to say that there was no light at that intersection but the officer proved her wrong. He asked her if she had been drinking.

"Water" came the reply.

He then asked her if she was under the influence of any kind of drugs.

Lohan giggled and said that she does not do drugs unlike some other Hollywood starlets that she could mention. The officer asked if she was texting while she was driving.

She grinned and replied that she no longer texts while driving since she rear-ended that 18-wheeler filled with Russian Roulette Vodka just six short weeks ago on The Pacific Coast Highway.

Officer Stiffeneski informed Miss Lohan that under the circumstances he was going to have to frisk her. She asked "You mean kinda like the Federal TSA Agents do to me at LAX Airport?"

The officer smiled and replied, "Yes but without the blue gloves."

He then administered the quintessential frisk and reported that he did not find anything that he would term as being illegal.

He asked Miss Lohan if she had a boyfriend who could drive her home. The giggling LiLo replied that she did not have a boyfriend and asked if the officer would mind driving her home.

He nodded approvingly just as long as she did not ask him to let her hit the patrol car siren or turn on the flashing lights.

Lindsay just grinned.

In Political News. Mitt Romney has stated that if he is elected president he will allow his 40 relatives who reside in Mexico to come over to attend the inauguration festivities on 72-Hour Free, No Questions Asked Visitor's Passes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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